Ollie's Blog

Waiting for the one. By Ollie. So, I’m talking to a new guy at the minute. And I hate to admit it, but I feel more excited about life by having someone to talk to romantically. It’s very early stages, and I feel a bit like a dog sniffing another dog at the park as I try to figure him out. But I can’t say that it has been the easiest journey. As an overthinker, I must routinely talk myself off the ledge when it comes to new relationships and processing my often-intense emotions. In a world governed by non-committal labels, dating apps and socially inept people. It can be difficult to be a romantic who’s after the real deal. Dating feels like this board game that I never bothered to learn the rules for and am pretending to know which piece goes where and how many paces to take forward. I’m not suave, not cool and can’t flirt to save my life. But what I am is an honest and caring person deserving of love. As a gay man, I think that this idea of non-monogamy is only exacerbated. As...

Teaching myself a thing or two. By Ollie So, this morning I’m sat at work and when the mind-numbing drag of not having any tasks to do begins, I start using my computer brain to research the PGCE program for the hundredth time this week. As if writing down key facts about arbitrary numbers is going to make the decision any easier. I already have 2 friends partaking in the program, both also language graduates and nice people. Which I guess pushes me to also apply in the hope that some of that drive rubs off onto me. Anyways, I come to the end of my list, after the holidays section, and I check in with my trusty friend ChatGPT for advice. Now I know AI is controversial, and I genuinely try to not use it as much as possible. But when you’re as indecisive as me, you don’t want to bother your friends by asking them to choose your life plan for you. To my surprise, it didn’t just tell me what I wanted to hear. It actually challenged me by asking a very simple question. When you think ...

A sunny disposition. By Ollie. So, it’s a new week and today I have been working from home. In other words, it’s a gradual ease back into the work week, in which I don’t have to leave the comfort of my own home and sit on a crowded tram for 25 minutes to and from the office. We have just had bank holiday, and I have been in between getting a new tattoo, pub crawling in Liverpool, ice skating and falling on my ass and catching up on my shows at home. For a change, the weather is glorious and the North of England has had sun shining for the past 2 days, which undoubtedly has boosted my mood. This afternoon, I went for one of my walks on my lunch break by the canal, as is customary and also necessary when you spend your day glaring at a computer screen for 8 hours. I like to use these walks outside as a good excuse to reflect on the past week, the day at hand and the future in order to get a good sense of gauging where I’m at emotionally and if anything, residual is playing on my mi...

Patience is a virtue By Ollie So, this week I’ve decided to set myself a small challenge. Although it has already proven to be quite the challenge, which is to work on my patience. As you are probably able to tell from my blogs, I am a very type A, neurotic type of person. Always in a rush, always 12 steps ahead planning for the next year of my life. Now this way of living has gotten me this far, and to its credit, it has prepared me for events, free time and task handling, by designating my time in advance and scratching the autistic itch in my brain to complete set tasks in a certain order. However, what is life without growth, and do I really want to be always so fast paced when the end destination is the same anyways? I see this challenge in 2 parts, naturally. There are physical and tangible things I can do to slow down, in a literal sense. Like walking at a slower pace, eating meals slowly and learning to appreciate things as they are. Like last night when I forced myself t...

Old friends, new memories. By Ollie. So, my friends are coming up to stay with me this weekend. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t stressed. Sure, I’m excited to see them. But now my brain has a legitimate excuse to over plan and obsess over what we’re going to do, where we’re going to go and how it’s going to feel. This being a trait passed onto me from my Mum, a shared love language of micro-managing and condensing the element of fun into a quantifiable, mathematical equation. Therefore, as it’s now my turn to host, I’m thinking up recipes, day trips, sleeping arrangements. I’ve managed to just about colour code and allot a time slot to every activity from dinner to breathing. With the girls coming up to see me, it’s got me thinking about old friends and the feeling of time having passed and life having changed but the dynamic remaining the same. F always the elegant listener, who doesn’t give herself nearly enough credit for how cool she is (like a true cool person) and G burstin...

Lets get it on (or better yet over with). By Ollie. So, I’m seeing a guy on Friday. At least I’m supposed to. Ideally, I’d be able to say that it’s chill and doesn’t mean anything, but anyone who knows me will knows that I’m about to die of a panic attack any moment. Something about guys, relationships and romance speaks directly to the part of my adrenal gland which is responsible for pure potent dread. And I often compare my experience with dating like being thrown into the final week of Strictly for Samba week but… you don’t know the moves. Everything about dating scares me. The vulnerability, the unknown, the awkwardness. For someone who considers themselves quite the conversationalist, I always seem to choke on my words in any context where a spark may ignite at any moment. I think what separates any kind of socialising between friends and romantic partners apart is comfortability. When I’m around friends, its easy, I know them and they know me. I don’t have to worry about w...

Ha llegado la primavera Por Ollie Entonces, estoy sentada en la oficina, escuchando música y hablando con un chico en Hinge. El clima de hoy está súper soleado y, según esto, tengo un estado de ánimo más positivo. Quería escribir un blog esta semana, pero acabo de tener la idea de escribirlo en español para practicar. No sé sobre qué tema voy a escribir, pero creo que escribir es una actividad súper relajante y tranquila. Me parece que cuando el clima está mejor, me siento mejor. Aunque tenga planes divertidos o no, es difícil sentirse triste cuando está soleado afuera. El calor del sol en la cara o la vista de un cielo azul. La gente reunida en las calles y una sensación compartida de haber superado el invierno. Nunca me ha importado mucho la primavera. Mi estación favorita es el otoño, debido a Halloween y al ambiente acogedor. Por supuesto, el invierno es popular por la Navidad, y a todo el mundo le encanta el verano. ¿Pero la primavera? ¿No es la menos interesante? Para nos...

My mother and me. By Ollie So, this weekend I finally got round to watching ‘Everything Everywhere All at Once’, and as expected, it was incredible. Tarantino style fight scenes, an original plot and trippy vfx, very up my alley. But what resonated with me most about the movie was the mother-daughter relationship between Evelyn and Joy. Coincidentally, I had done this TikTok trend where you put pictures of your mother when she was younger against those of you as a child to ‘A Drag Path’, by 21 Pilots. So, as you can imagine it was quite an emotional day. The basis of the movie is that Joy, is a young queer person, struggling with existential dread and nihilism whilst fighting with her traditional, conservative and small-minded mother. This is something which I can relate to from my own experiences growing up. I have always been a deep thinker, and from as early as I can remember, I was always floored by the idea that everyone I love including myself would die one day. That we onl...

I’m a Carrie. By Ollie. So, I wanted to do another blog about the cultural impact of sex and the city. My TikTok for you page is still run amid with SATC edits. Mostly Carrie, which says a lot. But not just the characters, the romantism of New York and the idea of female friendship. I unironically thing every young person should watch the show in their 20’s. its like this fashionable, quotable guidebook for navigating life and relationships. Whether you’re a Samantha, a Charlotte or a Miranda. We can all see ourselves in one of if not all of the distinct characters from such an iconic show. In its simplicity it’s a show about friendship. Accepting your friends, warts and all, and embracing them. Having your girls to pick you up when you feel down and always having someone in your corner. The common theme is that Samantha is the best personality. And what’s not to love about a woman who acts like a guy. Her only concerns are getting fucked and living her life on her own terms. S...

Abundant in love at Christmas. By Ollie. Its December next week and the city has already started preparing for the holidays. Whether you particularly like Christmas or not, markets, lights and the cold weather is making its presence known. For me personally, I love it. I always have. Especially having a summer birthday, it feels like such a satisfying wait for the celebrations to continue. Christmas to me, beckons certain scents, sights and an overall sense of cosiness. Gingerbread flavoured candles, warm yellow twinkling lights, dark nights snuggled up under a blanket with a hot chocolate. What’s not to love? However, with the holidays, also comes money, an excess of shoppers and stress to find gifts on time for your loved ones. My favourite winter film is the Grinch. Although me and my dad both hate Jim Carey. The prosthesis, the humour and the songs. It’s a camp classic that I never tire of. Similarly, the polar express, with its magical animation. But something that these two...

Protecting my peace. By Ollie So, I’ve had a rough week so far. On the surface everything is and should be fine. Work’s been nice and quiet. The new house is going great, and I’ve had plenty of social plans. But at the same time, I’ve felt stressed, anxious and angry. This is because of the actions and words of several friends who have just been draining my energy as of late. Now, as a person who spends a lot of time overthinking past situations, this bothers me. I have always been an introvert, and as much as I love socialising, hanging out and being active, it is paramount for my mental health to be able to switch my phone off and be alone. I also didn’t have many friends growing up, so I’m not used to always spending time with the same people, I’ve always had myself to rely on. Whilst I don’t have the perfect relationship with myself, does such a thing exist? I am pretty confident in who I am and comfortable in my own skin. I watched a video a few years ago on practicing bod...

Making a house a home. By Ollie. So, I’ve just moved into a new house with my friend. I wish I could’ve said that it was an easy transition, but to be honest, I’ve been stressed as hell these past few weeks getting everything sorted on time and balancing a particularly busy month. But now, all the hard work has paid off, and me and my flatmate have been able to create a lovely little home for ourselves. It’s nothing big and fancy. Just the basics. And truthfully, I wasn’t even particularly concerned about moving out of my family home. However, now I love it, and feel so grateful to have my own space, and what’s more. A warm, safe environment that we’ve built together and continue to take care of. The feeling I get from sitting on the couch with a brew, tv blurring in the background. Both of us sat not talking just enjoying each other’s company. With accompanying fairy lights and the rain outside. Is incomparable. And I still can’t get over having ‘my’ own bedroom, my kitchen, my gard...

Life is a drag By Ollie I’ve been interested in drag for a long time. Specifically, I remember a turning point when I was about 14 years old. I was visiting family for the weekend. And my uncle showed us a clip of ‘Sweet Transvestite’ from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It was the first time I remember being aware of a man dressed in women’s clothing. And that moment stuck with me forever. Up until that point I had known that I was different from a young age, when the attraction to girls never came and I started to become aware of my interest in other guys at my school. But as a naturally shy kid who just wanted to fit in. I pushed those feelings deep down and told myself to ignore them. I wasn’t like those people, I couldn’t even bring myself to say the word out loud, for fear of speaking it into existence. And I can specifically remember a time when someone had called me gay in primary school, and I went to ask my mum what it meant. She being an honest, but protective mother ...

Me, Myself & the Movies By Ollie. One of my favourite pastimes is going to the movies. I try to go once a week if I can. I’m lucky—there’s a cinema nearby that offers cheap tickets every day and regularly screens great reruns, especially around Halloween. I remember the first time I went alone. It was during my second year of university, on a rare day off. I was juggling work, study, and a busy social life back then, so having nothing to do felt like a luxury. I’d always loved going to the movies, but coordinating with friends was often frustrating—deciding what to see, when to go, and who was actually interested. That day, no one else wanted to go, and though I’m naturally shy, I decided to just go by myself. Why not? Why waste a perfectly good afternoon over insecurity? I felt confident—right up until I stepped into the cinema. Suddenly it felt like all eyes were on me. Oh God, look at that poor loser all by himself. Doesn’t he have any friends or a partner? My skin was...

Surviving First Dates By Ollie. I went on a first date last night. I hadn’t been on one in ages, so the whole thing felt like an event. I rushed home, made tomorrow’s lunch, threw my tea on, and hopped in the shower. Suddenly, it was all about being my most “palatable” self. I scrubbed like I was about to enter a chemical lab, brushed until I was mintier than toothpaste ads allow, and sprayed on enough cologne to suggest even my sweat had a designer label. Part of me loved the ritual—choosing an outfit, tweaking my look, editing myself into a polished little avatar. But another part was terrified. I couldn’t stop fussing with my hair, straightening my jacket, or sneaking glances in every reflective surface. Looking back, it feels silly—no one’s keeping score based on a stray hair. But vanity is universal, and on first dates it’s practically a sport. The real nerves hit on the way there. As the train pulled in, a knot tightened in my stomach. No more hiding behind messages caref...

Seasons of Change By Ollie. We are in September. The leaves are turning yellow, the air is crisp, and cafes are advertising pumpkin spice lattes while Halloween stock fills the shops. I wake up freezing and drive home in darkness. But I don’t let the change in season bring me down. As the excitement of the holidays approaches, I see autumn not only as a shift in weather, but also in mentality. Just as people embrace spring cleaning as a fresh start, autumn is the perfect time to cozy up, keep warm, and reflect. For me, that means throwing myself into crafts and leaning into home comforts—a good cup of tea, a biscuit, and the simple joy of a walk through crunchy leaves. Sometimes no antidepressant can compete with the calm of a long stroll, bundled up in layers. In Japan, this is known as forest bathing, and it reminds me of a quote I once read: “Take a walk in nature and you will come out feeling taller than the trees.” Of course, positivity doesn’t come from magic remedies—it’s of...

Rediscovering Home By Ollie I’m from a small town in the Northwest of England. It’s not particularly notable, aside from a few famous alums and a market. It isn’t one of those scenic, historic places you see in films, surrounded by trees and creeks in a picturesque haze. To be honest, I spent most of my adolescence hating it—resenting my parents for not picking a more exciting place to grow up, or at least somewhere more central. But home is home, and with it come certain comforts I used to take for granted and now appreciate. This weekend, my friend and I met up in my favourite café. It’s nothing fancy—if anything, it’s a bit rustic. The chairs creak, the tables wobble, and the toilet is tiny. Still, I always love going there. When she went up to order, I found myself bookless with a couple of minutes to spare. So I looked around and took in my surroundings: busy faces deep in conversation, dogs’ tails wagging hopefully for scraps, vinyls covering the walls with their plastic sle...

Stories in Passing By Ollie Every morning, at almost the same time, I board the tram to work. For 25 minutes I’m confined inside this metal snake with its familiar clatter and hum. Sometimes I read, other times I play a game on my phone, always with music in my ears. Anything to make the journey pass quicker. But now and then I drift away from my own distractions and scan the carriage, noticing the bodies around me — their shoes, their clothes, their expressions. I wonder where they’re headed, what’s on their minds, who they really are. Is it just our 9-to-5 lives that bind us to this same route, or something bigger pulling the strings? People watching has always been one of my favourite pastimes. I can sit for hours in a café, a station, or on this very tram, just observing. The little habits most people never notice: an old woman smiling faintly at a baby’s laugh, a nervous boyfriend edging his arm around his girlfriend, tourists murmuring foreign words like music I’ve never heard...

The Other Side of the Closet Door By Ollie Last night I was watching ParaNorman , an animated Halloween film about a young kid obsessed with zombies. The film’s great—I highly recommend it, with plenty of adult quips too. But it was the moral of the story that stuck with me: a lonely boy ostracised for being different, by his community, his peers, and even his family. Thankfully, it has a happy ending—Norman uses his gift of seeing the dead to save the town, and in turn, the town finally embraces him for who he is. As a queer kid, I really resonated with that feeling. When I was little, I was obsessed with horror. All things dark, strange, and macabre drew me in. Before I knew I was gay, I knew I wanted to be a witch, a vampire, or a werewolf. Spooky films, stories, and dressing up gave me so much joy. It was escapism at its purest—a way to dream up worlds of mystery and intrigue while enduring the dull “normality” I was expected to fit into. Watching films like Edward Scissorhands...

Learning to Love Myself First. By Ollie I’ve been thinking a lot about love lately — what it means to me, the love I already possess, and the kind I’m searching for. Everyone has their own opinion, and I find it fascinating to talk about. If you listen to music, read books, or look at paintings, love is everywhere. It’s a kind of cosmic force connecting us all. Wars have been fought over it, lives lost and created because of it. Love is everywhere. I think there’s a lot of pressure on young people to find love. As you get older, it feels like time is running out, like you’re slipping past your prime. You hear people say, “I wish I’d appreciated how I looked when I was younger” or “If I could only relive my 20s for a day.” Well, as someone in my 20s just getting on with life rather than “living it up,” you can see why that stresses me out. Shows like Sex and the City and Girls only amplify the pressure — portraying hot, young single people who seem to live in a bubble of constan...