Protecting my peace.

Protecting my peace.

By Ollie

So, I’ve had a rough week so far. On the surface everything is and should be fine. Work’s been nice and quiet. The new house is going great, and I’ve had plenty of social plans. But at the same time, I’ve felt stressed, anxious and angry. This is because of the actions and words of several friends who have just been draining my energy as of late.

Now, as a person who spends a lot of time overthinking past situations, this bothers me. I have always been an introvert, and as much as I love socialising, hanging out and being active, it is paramount for my mental health to be able to switch my phone off and be alone. I also didn’t have many friends growing up, so I’m not used to always spending time with the same people, I’ve always had myself to rely on.

Whilst I don’t have the perfect relationship with myself, does such a thing exist? I am pretty confident in who I am and comfortable in my own skin. I watched a video a few years ago on practicing body neutrality and optimistic nihilism which has still stuck with me. In other words, I accept myself for as I am, I recognise my limitations, but I still try to be a good person.

I’m also fairly convinced that I’m autistic, as I find it really difficult to read social cues and understand when to speak and when not to. So, conversations with others can be particularly challenging. I’m always 10 steps ahead instead of just existing and responding in real time.

Back to this week. I’ve had a couple of friends disappoint, annoy and rely on me too heavily. And I can feel the impact. Whilst I understand that with friendships you accept the good and the bad, sometimes I just can’t understand why others behave the way they do and think its acceptable. Meanwhile, I am always so conscious about how I come across to others, careful not to rely too much on.

Therefore, I’ve been racking my brain to think of a solution to this problem. I, as a person who hates confrontation, and just wants to keep everything light-hearted and fun don’t want to have to send people lengthy emotional messages about my lack of compassion and need for space, but I also feel as though I owe it to myself to create better boundaries and control my own narrative – in other words – protect my peace.

Sometimes it is so easy to take on the stress and challenges of others, especially those closest to you. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from some other, more easy-going friends, its that messages can always be replied to later, the phone can always go on do not disturb, and you have to put on your own life vest first. As brutal as it sounds. The solution is simple, care less, create space and disengage from the bullshit.

The path of least resistance is always my plan A. I can’t control how a friend, parent or other will respond to a situation. I don’t know if they will understand my complex feelings or agree with my point of view. But I can control how I react to them. Why get worked up over things which are not my problem nor my business. I plan on going forth into Christmas with the same mindset – do less.

Almost every time I’ve had an issue with someone or something, I’ve overthought it to the point of erosion and created a bigger snowball for myself. and every time I’ve recognised that this could have been handled better.

My advice for my readers, protect your own peace.

Light a candle, stick on some music, wrap up under a blanket with a hot cup of tea and just let the worries melt away, otherwise they will consume you. Control your thoughts, don’t let them control you.

 

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