Teaching myself a thing or two.

Teaching myself a thing or two.

By Ollie

So, this morning I’m sat at work and when the mind-numbing drag of not having any tasks to do begins, I start using my computer brain to research the PGCE program for the hundredth time this week. As if writing down key facts about arbitrary numbers is going to make the decision any easier. I already have 2 friends partaking in the program, both also language graduates and nice people. Which I guess pushes me to also apply in the hope that some of that drive rubs off onto me. Anyways, I come to the end of my list, after the holidays section, and I check in with my trusty friend ChatGPT for advice. Now I know AI is controversial, and I genuinely try to not use it as much as possible. But when you’re as indecisive as me, you don’t want to bother your friends by asking them to choose your life plan for you.

To my surprise, it didn’t just tell me what I wanted to hear. It actually challenged me by asking a very simple question. When you think about standing in front of a class of year 9’s shouting, does it make you feel like yeah, I can deal with this, or oh god I wish I wasn’t here right now. And I couldn’t even lie. People always laugh when I say that I hate kids, that I don’t want kids and don’t like being around them. And reading from an artificial intelligence, which knows a lot more than my monkey brain. About how heavy the workload is, how much of the job is about discipline. You just can’t dispute that. And with one swift motion, in attempt to become a more decisive person, I withdrew my application and texted my parents that it wasn’t for me.

Whilst it’s pretty obvious from my blog that my current job is boring. At least it’s not trying to pretend to be something it’s not. My free time is my own, my tasks are clear cut, and most importantly, I have such a great work-life balance. And I wonder, is it wrong to want an easy life? To focus on your interests and passions rather than for a cheque? I recognise that I am extremely privileged. My rent is cheap because my uncle owns the house, my cost of living is cheap because I can be. And if I ever went through a real hardship, my family is there to support me. Nevertheless, why give up that freedom and independence for a job which looks better on paper. People have been telling me for years that teaching is so hard and not just the perks you read about on the ads in the cinema.

I was just talking to my dad about my thoughts for graduates after uni. How shallow the job pool is, the guilt for not picking a ‘more employable’ degree, how limited and compared you seem to be. Speaking from my own experience, I am one of the few people I know who actually works in their field, and that is a stretch given the majority of my tasks include admin or deliveries rather than translation and interpreting. Some of my friends are studying masters, others travel, some of them are in completely different fields. But we all share a sense of harsh realism after graduation. When you’re in uni, it feels like this beautiful bubble where you know everyone, and you get to work on essays and projects all day. Cut to, 2 years afterwards and you’re itching for the weekend or an annual pay rise.

What I really want to do, is write. I’ve never craved fame or attention. But to have a space where I can share my thoughts and feelings about the world and have others feel inspired, challenged or reflected feels correct. If you know me in real life, you know I don’t shut the fuck up. And all of these rants and jokes and idioms just pop into my head naturally as the synapses fire off.

Whilst teaching might not be for me in this lifetime. I can sense that something better suited is right around the corner. And for an agnostic, I can’t help but feel as though by trusting in myself, my feelings and in thinking that the universe has a better plan in mind for me, then I will find my right path eventually. So many events in my life have been unexpected. Changing my degree, doing a year abroad, choosing to not teach abroad and now this. Those decisions have led me to this point, and my conscience keeps me on the right path. So, let’s see what’s in store and opt for the more unconventional pathway.

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