Patience is a virtue

Patience is a virtue

By Ollie

So, this week I’ve decided to set myself a small challenge. Although it has already proven to be quite the challenge, which is to work on my patience. As you are probably able to tell from my blogs, I am a very type A, neurotic type of person. Always in a rush, always 12 steps ahead planning for the next year of my life. Now this way of living has gotten me this far, and to its credit, it has prepared me for events, free time and task handling, by designating my time in advance and scratching the autistic itch in my brain to complete set tasks in a certain order. However, what is life without growth, and do I really want to be always so fast paced when the end destination is the same anyways?

I see this challenge in 2 parts, naturally. There are physical and tangible things I can do to slow down, in a literal sense. Like walking at a slower pace, eating meals slowly and learning to appreciate things as they are. Like last night when I forced myself to watch an entire movie without going on my phone. And ignoring the brain rotting itch to scroll through TikTok’s with a deadpan glare. On the other hand, there are metaphorical and attitude changes to implement. Such as, fighting the urge to overthink about the next month of my life, comparing myself to others and just allowing myself to exist as I am. Calling off the internal UN meeting to discuss my rebrand into a healthy person or ruminating about the time I embarrassed myself at a friend’s birthday 3 years ago.

No, this week, I will be trying my best to act as type B as possible. In the hope that some of that quiet confidence and lower heart rate will rub off into my clinical and obsessive DNA. Philosophically, I believe that happy, good and healthy people don’t need to show off, they just are those things. I think that acting kindly and moving through life in a quiet, calm and collected way is the cure to comparison and the bringer of joy. Sure, I would love to have more money, more friends and more experiences. But eventually, money is spent, friends go home and experiences end. Who you are after the party is over is far more important to self-actualise. And I apply this logic to work, love and friendships.

Being yourself is not a riddle or a one size fits all, it is individual. And it’s important to me as a self-admitted sometimes insecure and jealous person to have a strong sense of self. To perform to the world authentically and unafraid of how you come across. This isn’t to say lacking self-awareness but purposely ignoring how your own interests and intentions are perceived by others. Nothing feels more empowering to me as an introvert to realise the power in being alone, in marching to the beat of your own drum and saying no. if you think of yourself as a plant and you give your petals, leaves and seeds to everyone who asks, what is left? A stem, a shell, an emptiness. But if you put in the time to water yourself (work), absorb sunlight (exercise) and just exist (self-explanatory) then you will be sure to bloom, and for longer and brighter.

It seems to me that there is so much power in silence, in being alone and in stillness. When I’m on the tram to work, listening to my music and purposely doing nothing else. focusing on an individual experience and taking note of my body, my breathe and my own thoughts. A mundane activity or a chore becomes a truly meditative experience. Tapping into one’s own mind and figuring out more about yourself in the process.

When I was a teenager, and the influx of thoughts came flooding into my head I hated it. The number of ideas, thoughts and streams of consciousness felt crippling. Like a water tank at its limit, with screws flying off into all directions. So, I would drink and smoke and drown out those uncomfortable feelings in the pursuit of calm. But as I progress, I realise that my own mind is not something to be afraid of, but instead a tool and even a place of solace. Our bodies are not built to hurt themselves, nor are our thoughts created to burden us, but rather challenge. When the thought pops into my head about am I getting paid enough or could I be doing more exercise its not necessarily a critique but rather an empowerment. I do deserve to make more money for my time; I can swim that extra length. Insecurity is taught, not pre-installed.

I leave my readers with this advice. Trust in yourself. Feed your own soul and allow yourself the gift which is being wrong. Grow, and bloom at your own pace and not for the validation of others. We only have such a short time on this Earth so make it count!

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